Hey boos, ghouls, and all you spooky people.
A friend of mine posted something found on a discussion board about polyamory being hard and the different ways that present. I will share it below, I copied it exactly as they posted it. It resonates with me on quite a few levels. Add in kink dynamics, and poly becomes even harder to navigate. It is not impossible, but there are challenges. Polyamory has it’s easy moments. Don’t doubt that, and it has many happy ones. But the challenges will change you and shake you to the core. You have to learn to communicate, to be honest and up front. To own your own shit, also to call others on theirs. But oh, the happy and the love are worth stretching and growing as a person. I wanted to share this, to give a pretty fair assessment of what poly really is like/can be like.
(copied from discussion group)
Poly doesn’t always feel nice. And that’s ok. Sometimes… Poly is watching your partner get their needs that match yours met with someone else. Sometimes poly is having to accept less, instead of all. Sometimes poly is, I hate this, but you don’t need my permission to do it anyway. Sometimes poly is burning. Sitting in your room, your house, alone, burning with all the emotions and there is no one to put you out except yourself. And sometimes, you’re not enough of a firefighter. Sometimes poly is boring. Sometimes poly is Netflix and chilling, by yourself, your own hand down your pajama pants. Sometimes poly is rage. Fierce, hot, molten gold down your gullet, choking you, burning you, cooking you to a not-quick enough death. Sometimes it’s this is not enough, but this is better than nothing. Sometimes it’s pain, bright, white hot, cutting into the very core of you. Splintering you into a thousand, million pieces. Sometimes it’s I don’t know how I survive this. Sometimes poly is… Acceptance of not so great, because there is no other option. Sometimes poly is a snide laugh, a kick in the gut, a slap in the face. Sometimes poly is heartbreak. Sometimes poly is, I will never feel “safe” again. Sometimes it’s just… Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overdoing. Over scheduling. Overtalking. Over… Everything. Sometimes poly is… Can’t I just go back? But what poly really is? Poly is I can’t. I can’t go back. Because going back would mean so much sacrifice. So much giving up of people that I cannot fathom how much I love them. So much beautiful, wonderful, awful exploration of self that I would never get again. I can’t say, I don’t want my lovers and friends and amazing people who blur ALL of my lines and boundaries with their amazing selves. I can’t say, for the sake of some general level of “comfort” that I know is false, I will give up everyone. Their intimacy, their vulnerability, their nakedness. What they look like laughing, and coming, and crying. Versions of them I don’t get to see within the confines of monogamy as I knew it. I have sacrificed so very much to be here, uncomfortable, today. I can’t. I feel I’m awake now, with all the discomfort that comes with awakening. But I can’t go back to sleep. It’s shitty, sometimes, being awake. The sun is too bright, the sounds too harsh. It’s easy when I’m head down, dreaming. But it’s not real, you know? It’s an illusion, a construct. It works for some, but I’ve taken the red pill. I’ve seen my life for how it is, my thinking for how it is. I can’t unsee it. Maybe one day how I outwardly perform myself will change, but for now, I can’t go back. I am what I am, doing what I’m doing the ways that I do it. Sometimes it hurts. Fuck yeah it hurts. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you anything remotely differently. And you know what? It’s ok. Through this, we grow. We become something else. We become better, stronger. We know ourselves more. We know more words to use to advocate for ourselves, and that is fucking amazing. Without this pain, without this trial by fire and molten metal, we might not know what we’re capable of. And knowing what we’re capable of is an awesome, incredible thing. That is what makes you, you. That is what inspires you to fucking amazing things. Even if the journey is horrible to get there. ~Anonymous
I would love to hear about your experiences, if you are poly/open/swinging. What challenges have you faced, what lessons have you learned?
I have learned many things, and I have many stories to share- but those are for another time.
Take care of yourselves, and each other. Life is too short to be boring, rude, or unnecessarily rude.